


please don't ever become a stranger

by silentghosts



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 07:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13141788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentghosts/pseuds/silentghosts
Summary: Taylors not sure how he ended up here but Ebs kept the tree in the divorce, and Taylor got traded to Jersey so maybe this is just the way their story ends.





	please don't ever become a stranger

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hockeycaptains (poppyseedheart)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppyseedheart/gifts).



> Merry Christmas Nicole! Firstly a massive thank you for actually organizing this mini flash exchange, secondly, I hope you enjoy the misery, the pining, and the eventually working it all out. 
> 
> Also here is a [tiny playlist of songs](https://open.spotify.com/user/alyssakate09/playlist/0zhIbbTOpdqRLXzpqMJvCn) that I either listened to while writing or that someway influenced the creation of this fic. 
> 
> Also five points to me for not fully abusing my timezone privilege and actually getting this done before Christmas is officially over
> 
> Un-beta read because its 11pm on Christmas night are you kidding me

The apartment feels empty, quiet in a way that Edmonton never was.

In Edmonton, there was always too many of them, young and ambitious maybe not vying to change the world, but dreaming at least of changing a city. 

Christmas’s had always been a thing of chaos, of everyone gathering around the Christmas tree, singing bad carols while someone, usually Sam laughed quietly in the background.

But Ebs kept the tree in the divorce, and Taylor got traded to Jersey so it makes sense that his empty apartment would just feel like a black hole, sucking all the joy into it.

 

 

2010

 

 

“Okay but, there's just so many of them Ebs,” Taylor says standing in the middle of the Christmas section of Home Depot.“Like how are we supposed to know which one to choose, what tree is the right tree.” 

Taylor can hear Jordan's snort from the next aisle “I don't know Hallsy I guess we just wait and see what one fits right? This one here is 9 feet how high are our ceilings do you think?” 

“I don't know, you’re what five nine and there has to be a good couple of feet between you and the roof?” Taylor pauses, “I think it might be too tall. What about this white one, it looks like snow fell on it.”

“We are settling for a fake tree only because we can't even keep track of when our milk is going to go off, little lone how to water a living plant while we are on a road trip. I’m not doing fake snow as well.” Jordan deadpans, turning to mock glare at Taylor.

“Wait, the real trees need water? But they’re dead”

Silence echo between the shelves as Taylor begins to wonder if Jordan even heard him, poking his head around the corner only to find him standing staring stunned at the shelf in front of him, his shoulders silently shaking. 

“Oh buddy sometimes I'm real glad your good at hockey Hallsy, of fucking course it needs water you non.” 

“Whatever, who needs maths to play in the NHL anyway,” Taylor laughs more so at Jordan's choked off shocked noise beside him than at the actual joke, a giant grin spreading across his face. “Hey how about this one it's like 7 foot tall and its suppose to have ‘lifelike bristles’.”

“That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard,” Ebs laughs, coming over to stand next to Taylor, their shoulders brushing as he inspects the box.

“Hey, you know what kid, this might be fucking alright.”

“Stop calling me kid you non,” Taylor laughs swatting at Jordan's arm in jest. “Help me get this buddy and then we need to go pick some tinsel.”  


“Of fucking course, you're a tinsel person.” Jordan groans. 

Taylor turns, fake anger spreading across his features “What the hell is that supposed to mean.”

“Absolutely nothing Taylor”

“I will end you Eberle what type of nonsense are you insinuating here” Taylor shoots back, grabbing Jordan by the hand and dragging him off to towards the tinsel. The sounds of half-hearted protest echoing in their wake.

 

 

2014

 

 

“Have you got the-“ Jordan yells from the other end of the apartment.

“Fuck yes, I have the ham we pick up at the shops. Also, I set the tree up since you were apparently too busy to help. 

“I’m Sorry that I forgot I had the Promo shoot, It's not my fucking fault alright.”

“Its cool I get it just help me get these chips in like? Bowls or something before everyone arrives.”

“Hey,” Jordan says, sidling up beside Taylor in the kitchen his hand twisting possessively around Taylor front pulling him back toward him to mouth at the spot behind Taylor's ear, 

“Hey, Enough of that mister. We have guests arriving and last time I checked there was still secret in our secretly married.”

“Tay,” Jordan says regretfully. 

“No, we are not doing this now, its fine, its cool, I love you and I know is a big thing,” Taylor says, hands on either side of Jordan's face as he leans in to place a gentle kiss against his lips.

“It's a big thing, and we’re doing it at our own pace. And when we do decide to tell people I will be right there holding your hand.” Taylor continues, his thumb stroking the back of Jordan's hand as he smiles softly back at him.

 

Taylor made a note to check in on Jordan throughout the evening. He knew it wasn’t easy. Knew that keeping secrets was something that Jordan hated. But this was something neither of them was ready to do, Jordan even less so than Taylor.

“So how are the old Marrieds,” Yak laughs just moments after Taylor walks past, gently checking in with a hand on the small of Jordans back and a new beer. 

Taylor could feel Ebs freezing up beside him, it wasn’t like it was anything they hadn’t heard before but after today, after everything, it cut just a little close to the bone. 

“Oh you know, he keeps me happy in bed and he's not a horrible housewife,” Taylor says his laughter dying as Jordan pulls back, their hands no longer brushing. 

“I’ve. Got to go refill the chips. Uh,” Jordan says hurriedly leaving Taylor feeling like a bucket of ice water had just been upended over him. 

 

 

2012

 

 

They’re on their way home from the team Christmas party when it happens, the pair of the drunkenly stumbling along the streets reveling in the relative anonymity that Oklahoma provides in comparison to Edmonton when Jordan stops, his hand tugging on Taylor’s.

“Hey,” Jordan says softly lifting their linked hand towards two figures standing on the opposite bank of the canal. “Look.”

“Oh,” Taylor whispers feeling like the air has been punched out of him as he watches the man get up from where he is on one knee, grasping at his partners hand the pair of the spinning on the spot as Taylor and Jordan watch on. 

Its almost like looking into a snow globe, some reality slightly removed from the one they are in right now and Taylor can’t help but think, what if. He’s never been as sure about anything as he is about Jordan. Not hockey, not Edmonton, nothing came close. 

“Really,” Jordan says, his eyes bright, hand coming up to cradle the side of Taylor's face. 

“Of fucking course Ebs. You’re you. How could I not be sure.” He gets it, its only been a year but god Taylor has never been this gone on someone. The idea of a future without Jordan in it seems inconsolable.

“I have a ring you know,” is all Jordan manages to say before they’re kissing because the idea of Jordan, of Ebs feelings even a tenth of the things Taylor does feels unimaginable. 

“I want it Ebs, I really do. The ring, mornings, breakfasts when we are both beaten down after a bad game. I want it all. I want Christmas’s around that dumb tree we bought together. And I want to wake up every morning and know that you're mine”

Jordan laughs, unbridled and joyous. “Let's do it, then, let fucking get married. Find a church and just do it because god-dammit Taylor I don't want to live without you.”

 

 

2015 

 

 

“Are you and Ebs doing Christmas like usual this year,” Nuge asks, sliding into the stall next to Taylor after training. 

"Uh, I don’t think so? Did you ask him?” Taylor asks, eyes flicking across the locker room to Jordans new stall on the far side. Their lockers had always been next to each other but with Connor coming in and management appointing Taylor as his designated mentor the stall where shuffled add this to the list of things that were different now

Things have been weird between them since the summer since the separation and Jordan begging Taylor to give him some space, to give him some time to work everything out. 

So when the season started they left their stuff in storage and Taylor got himself a brand new place, and a brand new rookie to try not to injure which he was doing frankly horribly at and Jordan got himself a studio apartment downtown. A whole 20 minutes drive from the place in the suburbs that Taylor could only think of as theirs.  

“No? But like you guys just decided to get your own places right? Like with Connor coming and all that?” Ryan asks, and Taylor could see the wheels turning could see him piecing something together. However far it may be from the truth

“Ry, Its cool. It's just,” Taylor flounder trying to come up with an excuse tears prickling at the corner of his eyes as he frantically tries to blink them away, his breathing growing shallow. Ryan's face getting more and more concerned by the second.

“Hey Hallsy, come on, I’m. You're alright. It's fine. Maybe I’ll do it. Pick up some slack.” The words seem to tumble out of Ryan's mouth as Taylor fights to get his breathing under control his breath still hitching just the smallest amount on the inhale when Jordan appears in front of him, his face a shade of concern that Taylor has come to associate with injuries and bad losses with the two of them curling into each other taking comfort that despite anything they where here and okay and all that mattered was each other, or so Taylor thought. 

“Hey Tay, you okay man?” his voice is soft and Taylor can feel his throat hitch again, can feel his hands grow tight where they’re fisted in the material of his workout towel. 

“I’m fine Eb,” Taylor says with as much steel in his voice as he feels he can manage. “Ryan was just asking why we're not doing Christmas this year.”

Its a low blow and Taylor knows it, but its been months of radio silence, of un-returned calls and ‘asking for space’, its a Christmas tree that is everything Taylor associates with being theirs locked away in storage along with what feels like every important moment of their lives together, their first game puck, the world juniors jerseys they wore together, photos of a marriage that was maybe only real in Taylor's mind. Its a ring at the bottom of his sock draw hidden in an old gum container to stop Taylor from taking out and putting it on his finger ever damn day.

“Oh,” Jordan eventually says, the silence between them ringing like a bell.

 

 

2013

 

 

“Honey I’m home,” Taylor calls, nudging his way through the front door, tinsel in hand. 

“Hey whats-“ Jordan pauses, coming to walk around the corner and finally spotting the large box in Taylor's arms. “I thought we went over the tinsel thing Tay, I thought we agreed.”

Taylor laughs his eyes crinkling as he pushed past Jordan and into the living room. “I did no such thing ever, and besides since we both want to spend Christmas together, and neither of us have really told our family about the entire got married in OKC thing I thought this place- and our tree deserved some festive cheer, since it is our first proper Christmas together as a married couple.”

“We where married last year Tay,” Jordan sighs fondly.

“I know, and it was the best gift ever, however, we both spent Christmas break on opposing sides of Canada which is not conducive to celebrating together or honeymooning."

Jordan laughs, tugging Taylor in until their foreheads were touching. “You're my favorite person I’m secretly married to,” he says, accentuating it with a kiss, 

Taylor smiles, “I’m the only person you’re secretly married to I hope.” And even a year on that still a sentence that shocks him to his core and fills him with joy.

“You're it for me, babe,” Jordan say, reaching out to snag Taylor hand, his finger tracing the band where its hidden beneath his gloves

“And you’re gross,” Taylor laughs, his spare hand fisting in the back of Jordans hoodie the box of tinsel forgotten on the floor beside them.

 

 

2011

 

 

“We’re going to put the tree up tomorrow right?” Taylor asks as they stumble off the plane leaning heavily into Ebs side as they move towards the car.

“Yeah Tay, we will put the tree up tomorrow.” Jordan sighs, the both of them bone tired after a three-game road trip down the east coast

 Taylor bumps their shoulders together smiling down at him “Do you remember where we put the ornaments last year.” 

“Nope, but they might be in the attic with the tree, we will have to check." Jordans not sure why they're hashing this out now in the airport but apparently even half asleep Taylors determined to work this out.

“Nah the trees in my cupboard and there are no ornaments there.”

“Then we can go out tomorrow after skate and buy some more,” Jordan says squeezing at Taylors arm in an attempt to be reassuring 

“What are you two lovebirds talking about” Sam laughs coming up on Taylor's other side and unsuccessfully trying to lob his arms around both their shoulders.

“Our Christmas tree.” Taylor sighs, perhaps too fondly as he knocks his head into Jordans shoulder just letting it rest there as they wait for their luggage to be unloaded

“Your Christmas tree? I thought Ebsy Boys mum here bought your tree last year.”

“Nah she was supposed to come up but then the car broke down and needed something replaced so Taylor and I got our own,” Jordan explains, it had worked out better that way regardless with Jordans mum coming up a couple of weeks later just to visit instead

“That's very domestic of you kids.” Sam chirps.

“Your Mums domestic,” Taylor mumbles his eyes getting heavier by the moment the long flight back and the game catching up with him.

Sam laughs, gently knocking Taylor on the shoulder with his fist “Great comeback Hallsy. Look after him eh?" He adds turning to Jordan. "Make sure he at least takes his shoes off before he passes out on top of the covers. "

“Will Do. Thanks, Sam. Tell Sam I said Good-Bye.”

“I will do no such thing thank you, stick to keeping your own boyfriend out of trouble and stop trying to steal mine.”

 

 

The pillow feels soft beneath Taylor's head but he couldn't work out why something was tugging on his leg. Couldn't they see he was trying to sleep? 

“Tay, Hallsy come on. At least take your shoes off for me babe.” A voice says down near his feet.

“Not your babe,” Taylor mumbles into the covers squirming away from whoever it was making totally unreasonable requests. Also, the only person allowed to call him babe probably doesn’t want to but that's a thought for more dwelling when Taylor didn’t feel like he had been hit by a piece of two by four and run over by a truck.

“Of course your not Hallsy, But you do need to take your shoes off.”

Taylor blearily opened his eyes to fuzzy shape of Ebs squatting next to his pillow 

“Whatcha doing Ebs,” Taylor says smiling up at him. he's not sure why Jordan is in his room, but he should stop talking and come sleep.

“Trying to get you to take your shoes off you imbecile.”

“Oh, should have just said.” Jordan lets out an exasperated sigh. “If you help me with the laces then you can come cuddle.”

“Uh.” Jordan seemed to freeze, a blood rising to his cheeks. 

“Yes, we all know I'm cute Ebs, now laces. Bed. Let's do this thing”

Eventually, the pair of them wrestle Taylor shoes off and he settles back against the pillows staring expectantly at Jordan who is still for some reason standing at the side of the bed. 

“What you waiting for hot stuff,” Taylor says looking up at Jordan.

“Look, Tay, your tired and I get it but.”

Taylor cuts him off “shhh, no whining just cuddles.”

“Okay, Tay,”

“Love you,” Taylor said wiggling closer to Jordan's chest, his eyes already half closed as a quiet oh echo around the room

  

Taylor wakes up with an arm around his back and Jordans face smashed into his hair. His own face buried in Jordan's chest, his hand fisted in the fabric of his shirt. 

For a while, it seems like a dumb thing to do but he just lays there allowing himself to imagine what if would be like if whatever this is was real but Jordans never shown interest in being more than friends and Taylor well, Taylor has learned better than to bet on feelings. Still, he cants help but to flash back to the night before, to Jordan pulling back the blankets and slipping in beside him, pressing his sock covered feet against Taylor's legs in an effort to make him move over. To being able to curl into and it the shocked quiet sound that Jordan made when Taylor rested his head against his chest. 

It seems like almost perfect timing as Jordan starts to stir right as Taylor remembers what he said, the white-hot guilt flooding through him as he scrambles away almost getting tangled in the sheets as he all but launches himself away from the bed.

“Where you going Tay,” Jordan mumbles right as Taylor's hand reaches the doorknob,

“Gonna get some coffee and some toast Ebs,” Taylor says softly “You can sleep as long if you need.”

Jordan groans in acknowledgment, turning to press himself into the space where Taylor had been one had wrapped tight around the pillow as Taylor quietly closes the door padding towards the kitchen dreading the conversation that is to come.

 

“Hey,” Jordan says as Taylor jumps, dropping the lucky charms and juggling the butter as he turns to see Jordan in the doorway. He's not sure how much time its been since he left Jordan in his bed. But he's had a coffee, had time to think, time to prepare himself for explaining to his best friend that he didn’t mean to rub his feelings all over him.

The silence lingers still as Taylor struggles to find the words, struggles to admit out loud what he knows he has to.

“Ugh, Sorry about last night.” he starts, reaching up to rub the back of his neck as he looks up towards Jordan in the doorway who seems stunned mouth hanging agape. 

“Tay, Hallsy, No. Its not on you I started it.”

“What do you mean you started it. I'm the one who told you to come cuddle,” Taylor says, his voice edging on hysterics as his hand tugs at the hairs at the base of his skull. “I'm the one who said I love you.”

“And I‘m the one who called you babe, you didn’t even realise it was me Hallsy, and that fine, I get it. 

Taylor frowns in confusion   
  
“Get what”.

“Get that you don't feel the same way.”

“Which way,” he asks again because this is rapidly become confusing, a feeling that feels a little bit too much like hope blooming in his chest.

Jordan laughs, its a harsh bitter thing and Taylor can feel tears prickling at the edge of his eyes.

“The way in which I want this.” Jordan says, gesturing between them “I want to help you out of your shoes when you're tired after a long road trip, I want to curl up beside to fall asleep and wake up the same way. I want to put up that god damn Christmas tree together and have it mean something.”

The words are like a shock to Taylor's system, "Oh." 

"Yeah oh." Jordan's shoulders are already slumping closing in on himself.

"And what if I want that too." Taylor almost shouts, reaching out to grab at Jordan's hand before he can get any further away, close himself off to Taylor anymore.

"You do," Jordan asks, voice quiet but his eyes bright.

Taylor smiles "I do." 

 

 

2017 

 

 

It had seemed almost like fate when Jordan got traded to Brooklyn, seemed almost like fate was trading him back to Taylor. 

But still the phone didn’t ring and the gum box stayed stashed at the bottom of Taylor sock draw, and suitcase, and gear bag. A constant bitter reminder of the things he gave up, the things he lost along the way. 

And as much as Taylor wanted to call, wanted to show up at Jordan's apartment in Williamsburg and bang his door down demanding to know if it was worth it, demanding to know if it had felt like a victory, being able to mail the divorce papers and never look back. Yet somewhere along the line, Taylor had grown, so he defended Jordan to the media, deleted his number of his phone so he would stop trying to call and thanked his lucky stars that the Devils wouldn’t be seeing the Islanders until January. 

If anything that's why the knock on the door surprises him, already 3 shots of some cheap vodka in that Nico had left at Taylor's one night. Fruitlessly trying to block out the memory of what this night meant, the reason he had sat on his bedroom floor meaninglessly spinning the ring between his fingers while he tried not to cry earlier.

“Hey Taylor,” is what Jordan says after what feels like a decade of silence, a light dusting of snow sprinkles along the shoulder of his jacket, a single snowflake stuck to the lock of hair that curls at his forehead and Taylor has to stop the impulse to reach out a touch it. 

“I was, I know you don't owe me, least of all me anything but,” he pauses, reaching out to bump the back of his hand against Taylor’s. “I was wondering if I could come in." 

Taylor sucks a breath in because it never been an option, never been a choice for him. “Yeah,” and its as easy as breathing, as easy as saying ‘I do’ that first time in the comfort of their kitchen nervous and a little scared, its as easy as saying it the second time in the half of a random church in OKC, their finger twisted together and Taylor heart threatening to beat out of his chest. 

“I,” Jordan starts, a small smile sneaking onto his face, a smile that had always been reserved for Taylor and only Taylor ever on those worst days. 

“I bought the tree,” He says stepping aside and Taylor doesn’t know how he missed it before, the giant cardboard box overflowing with tinsel that they had packed into storage together after that last Christmas being married, that giant cardboard box that as love-struck, punch drunk teenagers they had put up together in their lounge room neither of them brave enough yet to understand why it felt like butterflies. 

“I never stopped you know,” Taylor says later, the pair of them sitting on the floor, the tree a mess a tinsel and team ornaments the colours all clashing because neither of them had ever got the hang of picking the right ones.

“I’m sorry I did,” Jordan sighs his fingers skirting around the edge of Taylor's. 

“Its okay,” Its feels like a secret, that despite how much Taylor wanted to he never quite worked out how to hate Jordan, never quite worked out how to stop loving him since the day he was 16. since the day he was 9 and played the kid with a gap in his team who was quick like lightning and whose hockey Taylor even then had wanted to watch for days. “Its scary something, feeling this much.”

“I want to do it properly,”Jordan's hand finally stops moving, his fingers linking with Taylor's and staying there. “I never stopped wanting it all with you, but I think that maybe this time if you will let me, I want to do it without it being a secret. 

“You want to tell people,” Taylor says all quiet, like its a bubble made of ice fragile and precious and beautiful all at once.

“I want to marry you, again if you will let me. Not today but one day I want to ask you again and I want people at my wedding and I want people to look and you and to look at me and know what we are to each other. to know what we mean to each other.” 

It's like someone poured liquid sunshine into Taylor's veins as he turns to grab as Jordan's face, a small giggle escaping his mouth as he watches the lights for the tree play across his feature and draws him in, their foreheads resting together.

“Of fucking course, it's you and me and this god damn fucking tree babe.”

And then, he kisses him. 

 

 


End file.
